Tweet, Tweet

This blog is connected to my Twitter account @forbetterorwhat, where I publish links, quotations, advice and random thoughts several times a day.

I took a quick look at which messages had been retweeted the most in recent months. Here are a few of the messages that resonated with people enough to make them want to share. It's not surprising that a Gottman quote heads the list!

• "Learning to cherish another person and allowing that person to cherish you is the greatest blessing of life." John Gottman
• Keep your promises. Even when it's inconvenient. Even when no one is watching. Keep your promises. All of them.
• Don't let sex become the last thing on your to-do list.
• Marriage gives us unlimited opportunities to discover our best selves.
• Your spouse wants to hear, "I would do anything for you."
• Rejecting sex makes your spouse feel rejected as a person.
• Think about the consequences of your actions before you act.
• Be the kind of marriage partner you would like your children to have someday.
• You don't have to do everything together. Just the things that matter.
• When you cheat on your spouse, you are cheating your children, too.
• Your spouse wants to hear this: "You are the only one I want."
• Little daily love boosts are more important in the long run than the occasional spectacular event.
• Be generous in giving compliments and gracious in accepting them.
• To get a better marriage, start by becoming a better spouse.

 

Two For the Seesaw

Years ago when I was a college theater student, one of the plays we performed was William Gibson's Two For the Seesaw. I saw it mentioned somewhere recently, and vaguely remembered that it had something to say about the nature of love and attachment. The library's battered copy hadn't been checked out in ten years, and a couple of pages were missing. The characterizations and dialog (written in 1958) are painfully outdated, but the theme, searching for a connection with the right person, is still contemporary.

Nag Me Some More

It is a familiar scenario. Your partner asked you to do something, and you said you would do it. For some reason you haven't done it. Your partner asks you about it. Maybe the inquiry is made calmly and respectfully. Maybe it is made with impatience or anger. Possibly you feel a little guilty, but mostly you feel pressured, pushed and resentful. Maybe you say, "I said I'll do it, and I'll do it." Or "I'll do it when I get around to it." Or "Stop nagging me!"

Couples Who Survive Disasters Together

by guest blogger Claire Dunning

The word 'disaster' can be defined as an occurrence which causes destruction and distress. In a marriage or relationship disasters can come in all shapes and sizes. Financial disasters, bereavements, emotional problems and ill health are just a few of the things that can turn the life of one or both persons in a relationship upside down. The core values of our wedding vows state that couples should love and support each other through the good times and the bad, and thankfully many couples are able to make it through dark times in their lives together. But moving on from a disaster isn't always so easy and with the divorce rate in America approaching 50%, clearly many couples aren't always able to fully recover. When the event is over and the dust is settling there may be prolonged emotional unease that can last for months or even years and it is at this stage – the calm after the storm – that individuals are most likely to retreat within themselves. Here are some tips on how couples can deal with the aftermath of a disaster they have survived together and go forward to have a happy marriage.

The Liebster Award

Alicia Lawrence, who blogs at at MarCom Land, just nominated me for the Liebster Award. This is an award with no committee, no voting, no sponsors, and no awards ceremony. Therefore, no politics, no campaigning, no expense, and no close-ups of the disgruntled losers pretending to congratulate the winner. Like the Emmys, it is an honor just to be nominated.  This is an award that bloggers get when other bloggers like their blogs. What could be simpler and friendlier than that? The only "rules" are that the recipient should nominate some more blogs (it's a chain letter!) and answer the questions posed by the nominator.

Do You Like Pina Coladas?

The song "Escape" (aka "The Piña Colada Song") by Rupert Holmes was hugely popular thirty-some years ago. It's a short story about a man who has grown bored with his marriage. Scanning the newspaper, he sees an intriguing personal ad (the precursor to today's online dating sites). He responds and arranges to meet the woman. When she arrives at the designated bar, who should she be but his own wife! The two share a laugh about the incident and then realize that they have more in common than they knew: A desire for frothy cocktails and outdoor sex, and a high tolerance for sneaky behavior. Happy ending. Ugh.