March 17, 2014

How Porn Hurts Marriages

by guest blogger Make Taylor

Pornography can seriously, if not permanently, damage marriages, husbands, wives, children, and whole families. Although you probably know pornography is dangerous in general, you may not know all the ways it can harm those it affects.

Affect on Marriages

An article at simplemarriage.net discusses a few different ways that pornography harms marriages. One way pornography harms the marital relationship is through objectification.

Someone who consumes pornography is likely to objectify the other member of the relationship, treating the spouse as an object rather than as a person and a partner. Objectification causes the spouse to doubt whether the person is really with him or her or, instead, is detached while conjuring pornographic images during intimacy.

Another way that pornography harms the marital relationship is through loss of exclusivity. People consider the use of pornography to be a form of infidelity. They see online sexual activity as betrayal. Infidelity and betrayal destroy the exclusivity of a marital relationship. Even though the online activity is virtual, it erodes exclusivity because it creates emotional infidelity. To lose exclusivity is to lose trust and intimacy, the foundation of a healthy intimate relationship.

Yet another way that pornography harms marriage is to decrease the importance that one places on emotional intimacy during sexual relations. This affect appears fairly uniformly for both males and females.

Affect on Women

As one article at covenanteyes.com states, pornography can especially harm women in the marital relationship. Women may feel that their spouses prefer pornography over them, and that they are being replaced. They begin to feel old, unattractive, and sexually undesirable. They compare themselves to images that create a standard which is unrealistically high because it is false: the images are manipulated with the latest photographic and computer technologies in order to create images of women with features that do not even exist in real life. These images become a standard of perfection to which women hopelessly and helplessly compare and criticize themselves. Women feel pressured to pursue a false ideal that can never be obtained, wasting invaluable time and resources on a fruitless and degrading pursuit.

Affect on Men

Pornography of course harms men, too. One harm is a man’s loss of respect from his wife. Respect is a foundation of the marital relationship, so to erode a wife's respect for her husband weakens the foundation. Women no longer admire their men as fathers and role models to their children.

Pornography can also harm men by leading them to isolate themselves from their families. The more men are isolated, the greater their reliance on pornography becomes to satisfy their sexual needs. Being isolated from a spouse and children removes men from their family roles and opens up a gap between family members which they might seek to fill in unhealthy ways.

Pornography can also seriously jeopardize men's welfare professionally, fiscally, and legally. As one article at integrityrestored.com notes, men often incur large expenses in order to fund their use of pornography. This money no longer goes to support the family or other worthwhile pursuits and can result in overwhelming debt. Moreover, if men are caught viewing pornography at work or in school, they could be fired or expelled. Even worse, men could end up viewing child pornography, unintentionally or otherwise, which would result in arrest and very serious charges and punishments.

Get Help

Despite the harm that pornography can cause to families, husbands, and wives, it is possible to overcome addiction to pornography; and marriages can survive the damage. Seek professional help as soon as possible, and allow yourself the time and attention you need to heal.


Mike Taylor is the Online Outreach Coordinator for Desert Solace. Desert Solace helps men of all ages who are addicted to pornography.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
 

2 fabulous comments:

  1. Regarding the effect on women, " the images are manipulated with the latest photographic and computer technologies in order to create images of women with features that do not even exist in real life"

    Often that is no longer the case. Porn, especially in recent years, has moved toward "amateur porn." With the tabloid buzz about celebrity sex tapes, smart phones, and the increasing apathy at porn, people are making their own porn. There are whole website dedicated to amateur porn. Amateur porn is where everyman/everywoman can upload pics and vids of themselves.

    The ramifications: For women, men now know that it's just not porn stars that have wild, kinky sex. Girls next door are doing it too. For men, that "girl next door" type you work with, or see walking down the street, or literally next door is now a lust object.

    Great article!

    ReplyDelete
  2. If "everyman/woman" means average people, then they are unlikely to be uploading porn to the web. Most people prefer to keep sex private and would be embarrassed to have nude pix or sex videos posted where anyone could see them. The amateurs who upload this stuff are exhibitionists. They will do the same things professional porn stars do, exaggerating, coming up with unlikely scenarios, portraying both men and women unrealistically, faking it, etc. All the problems created by professional porn apply to amateur porn too.

    ReplyDelete

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