Before you ever got married you and your spouse thought long about sex. You may have even talked about having sex together or had sex before you got married. We know where you are because we talked about sex and had sex before we got married. The sex was driven by emotion and because of this we didn’t talk about what we liked or disliked. The decision to have sex before marriage and to then not talk about it led to many subpar years of sex. Along the way we ended up with some pretty bad habits, too.
You now have the opportunity to do what took us 11 years of marriage to do; we talked about our sex lives! We actually took time together, faced our fears, and asked each other questions about what we would like or wouldn't like when it came to making love. You may be a bit squeamish right now. Good! It means you need to have a talk with your spouse.
You may not enjoy talking about sex the first time you sit together. It's understandable, but if you desire to have more passion and romance with your spouse then both of you need to know what your likes and dislikes are.
Take an evening to go through all of these questions. Most importantly, both of you need to honestly answer each one. We've included a PDF of these questions so that you can write down your spouse's answers. Keep this sheet and refer back to it often. Those acts your spouse wishes to do or not do are now out in the open.
Honor your spouse if he or she does not wish to try something. Nobody wishes to be forced to do something they do not desire. Remember, you are a servant lover and by putting your spouse's needs in front of yours the two of you will grow closer sexually.
19 questions to amazing sex with your spouse
- How can we romance each other during the day in anticipation of sex?
- What ways do you show me that you are initiating sex? Give me details.
- Would you be interested in using sex toys? Which ones? (dildo, vibrator, penis ring, others)
- Which love making position(s) would you like to try the next time we have sex? (wife on top, husband on bottom, side-by-side, bent over, etc.)
- Share with me the touch(es) that make you orgasm.
- What would you enjoy doing during foreplay?
- How much time would you like to spend during foreplay?
- Is anal sex something you would be willing to try?
- How did you learn about the birds and the bees? (parents, friends, school, magazines)
- What kind of fantasizing in the bedroom is OK with you?
- Where are two places you would like to make love outside of our bedroom?
- Are you the high desire or low desire spouse?
- How many times a week would you like to have sex?
- What is it about oral sex that brings you pleasure?
- What scent(s) would you like to have in our bedroom when making love?
- How can we verbally express satisfaction during sexual intercourse?
- Is connecting emotionally before we have sex important to you? If so, how would you like to connect?
- How would you like to be held before, during, and after sex?
- What would you like to see me wear (or not wear)?
This list of questions is for you and your spouse to talk about together. DO NOT read over these without taking action. It is our hope that you'll learn something about your spouse that will allow both of you to have amazing sex.
© 2012 Tony & Alisa DiLorenzo. Reprinted with permission. Tony & Alisa are experienced marriage educators, podcasters, and speakers who specialize in helping time-crunched couples take action and enjoy the sex, love, and commitment they desire in marriage. Their website is One Extraordinary Marriage.