A Frank Talk About Sexual Rejection

There are thousands of articles on the web about the problem of couples who are in conflict because one wants sex and the other doesn't. The writers offer many possible explanations and propose plenty of solutions. Maybe they have naturally mismatched sex drives, maybe there is conflict in other areas of the relationship, maybe someone is being too sensitive or too demanding, or maybe someone is a prude or a brute. There could be a hormone problem or some other medical issue, or one spouse could simply be overworked and exhausted. Experts suggest helping with the chores, improving communication, having regular date nights, getting more sleep, getting a medical checkup, agreeing to a schedule, sending the kids to Grandma's, turning off the TV and the cell phone, and getting marriage counseling.

19 Questions to Amazing Sex With Your Spouse

By guest bloggers Tony & Alisa DiLorenzo

Before you ever got married you and your spouse thought long about sex. You may have even talked about having sex together or had sex before you got married. We know where you are because we talked about sex and had sex before we got married. The sex was driven by emotion and because of this we didn’t talk about what we liked or disliked. The decision to have sex before marriage and to then not talk about it led to many subpar years of sex. Along the way we ended up with some pretty bad habits, too.

You now have the opportunity to do what took us 11 years of marriage to do; we talked about our sex lives! We actually took time together, faced our fears, and asked each other questions about what we would like or wouldn't like when it came to making love. You may be a bit squeamish right now. Good! It means you need to have a talk with your spouse.

Sex By Appointment

One of the most common reasons couples cite for not having sex is a lack of time. Somehow, everything else - including a lot of small stuff they don't really care about - takes priority over making love with the person who matters most. People are tired and stressed and have so many demands on their energy and attention that in the course of a day (or a week or, alas, a month) they just can't seem to find a free moment for each other. They think they will get around to it later, but later they are still caught up in the same old cycle of chores, errands, and obligations.

What do busy people do when they want to makes sure they get something important done? They make an appointment!

Bed Shopping

If you are shopping for a new bed, pillows, or anything else sleep-related, the website Sleep Like the Dead should be your first stop. They provide in-depth reviews, discussions and ratings of every kind of sleep-related product, including mattresses, sleeping pills, electric blankets, white-noise machines and insomnia treatments. There are tips and tricks for shopping, including how to return products.

Something that may especially pique the interest of my romantically married readers is the comparison of mattress types and sex suitability, based on data from actual mattress owners. They considered attributes such as bounciness and noise level. The data, just like everything else on this website, has been thoroughly analyzed, explained, and put into pie charts. The results just might surprise you.

Do You Look Good Naked?

Both men and women want to look good. But it seems that women are more likely to have a negative body image and to feel that there is something "wrong" with their bodies. A constant state of personal dissatisfaction is encouraged by a vast complex of industries eager to profit from our anxiety. Somehow we are always the wrong weight, the wrong shape, not smooth enough or firm enough. We have too much hair in some places and not enough in others. No matter what we do, we are never going to look like the freakishly tall and thin supermodels or the computer-retouched photos in cosmetics ads. Actually, most of us look just fine, but we don't see it when we look into the mirror.

What does this have to do with romance? A lot! Women who imagine themselves to be inherently unattractive often find that they don't feel as happy and confident as they should in a love relationship. In particular, their insecurities about their bodies can inhibit them from enjoying a healthy, playful sexual relationship. Most husbands enjoy seeing their wives in attractive lingerie (or in nothing at all!) and would like to make love with at least some of the lights on at least some of the time. But a woman who fears that her partner will be turned of by the sight of her less-than-perfect body may be unwilling to satisfy this desire, and may even find it hard to fully enjoy lovemaking because of her insecurities. Outside of the bedroom, many women make poor clothing choices because they just want to hide their perceived flaws, or because they feel so discouraged that they have given up trying.

On the TV show How to Look Good Naked, host Carson Kressley challenges women to see themselves in a more positive light. Without resorting to cosmetic surgery or other extreme measures, he helps them develop a new attitude and change their approach to clothing and makeup, until they are actually comfortable enough to pose for a daring photo shoot.

For any woman who dresses in the closet, hides under the covers, or just won't wear anything that doesn't resemble a tent, the message here is a real eye-opener.

I don't think there are new episodes of this show on the air any more, but it's possible the old ones can be found online.