The Link Between Domestic Violence and Substance Abuse

Photo courtesy of Unsplash by Freestocks.org

by guest contributor Michelle Peterson

Domestic violence is not necessarily caused by substance abuse; however, research has shown that there is a strong link between the two. According to Addiction.org, regular alcohol abuse is one of the leading causes of domestic violence. In fact, nearly two thirds of all domestic violence offenders also use and/or abuse substances like drugs or alcohol. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) cautions that the effects of these traumas may not surface right away (and victims often do not come forward) so this problem may be worse than we realize.

Although domestic violence is not directly caused by substance abuse, we can see that drug and/or alcohol usage remains the common denominator in many cases of domestic violence and abuse. Research has shown that most abusers were using drugs, alcohol or other substances at the time of the abuse. Even worse, the trauma of being abused often causes the victims to turn to drug and alcohol abuse as a means of dealing with their situation.

Think this is just limited to hard drugs like meth and cocaine? Think again. Some of the substances frequently involved in domestic violence cases include commonly-used prescription pills, many of which are known to unleash violent behaviors, according to Time Magazine.

Since we know that drug and alcohol abuse is directly linked to domestic violence - and vice versa - what can we do? Experts recommend that abusers and victims take advantage of the following:

• Anger Management Classes
• Drug Rehab and Substance Abuse Treatment
• A 12 Step Program for Alcohol Abuse and/or Drug Addiction (Alcoholics Anonymous is one great option)
• Nar-Anon, Al-Anon and other support groups and 12 Step healing programs for victims and families
• Mental Illness Treatment
• Trauma Therapy
• Eating Disorder Treatments (eating disorders are commonly diagnosed among domestic violence victims)

In addition, abusers need a safe place to continue their recovery in order to break the cycle of abuse. Unfortunately, many abusers are unsuccessful with the methods listed above because they are surrounded with too much toxicity and temptation during their recovery process. In order to have a successful recovery process, people need:

• A drug-free environment (this is one of the most important aspects to recovery)
• Regular meals
• Transportation to and from meetings and appointments
• People to talk to who are supportive, nonviolent, and are not currently using or abusing drugs or alcohol
• If these needs cannot be met in the offender’s household, the offender may need to consider inpatient care instead of the usual outpatient care

This is sobering data, but at the end of the day we still have the power to change these numbers for the better. There are several treatment options available for abusers and victims, regardless of whether or not drugs are involved in the cases. It’s also important to address any co-occurring disorders that may be leading to or resulting from substance abuse or domestic violence. With proper treatment, it is possible to effectively address these disorders, heal victims, reform abusers, and help take the first steps towards healing.

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Michelle Peterson is a recovering addict, and she wishes to eliminate the stigma surrounding people who struggle with addiction.
 

Stuck In An Awful Marriage

The comments and questions found on many marriage blogs are filled with tales of misery.

It is heartbreaking to read about people who suffer every day in terrible marriages with spouses who behave badly. The problem may be ongoing infidelity, lying and secrecy, financial dishonesty, sexual starvation, extreme laziness, criminal acts, anger issues, verbal abuse, bullying, general meanness and neglect, or complete indifference. Usually it is a combination of several problems. The unhappy spouse is left feeling lonely, unloved, desperate, and hopeless.

Often these people say that their spouse refuses to go to counseling, or that they have tried counseling but it didn't help because their spouse would not accept any of the counselor's suggestions. The problem spouse may be perfectly content with things as they are, or may be somewhat unhappy but unwilling to take any responsibility. Nothing changes, except, perhaps, to get worse.

When I read these stories, I feel very sad for the people involved. The daily suffering of the unhappy spouse is exacerbated by a sense of powerlessness. Both people are missing what should be the best part of their lives, the joy of a loving connection with a trusted partner.

It is all too common for people to live this way for ten, twenty, or more years. Surprisingly, they often say that the marriage was like this from the start. The bad behavior started in the first few months or weeks of marriage, sometimes on the honeymoon. Worse yet, sometimes the bad behavior began before the wedding, and yet they married this person anyway. Now, they feel trapped. Divorce seems impossible because of their financial limitations (especially when there are minor children), or because powerful religious and social pressures make them feel obligated to stay, or because they are afraid that leaving will lead to violence.

I wonder how this happened. Why did these people get married in the first place?

The most common explanation is, "I thought he would change once we were married."

No, no, no! Most people are on their best behavior during the dating and engagement period. Someone who isn't yet married and is already behaving badly, who doesn't make the effort to even try to pretend to be better, is not likely to improve.

If you are contemplating marriage with a difficult, unpleasant person who treats you badly, ask yourself, "Is this what I want the rest of my life to look like?" If the answer is no, it is time to end the relationship and move forward.

If you are in a miserable marriage with a partner who shows you nothing but contempt, refuses to change, blames you for everything, and does not respond to your best efforts, it may be time to ask yourself that same question.
 

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Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici and FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Staying, Leaving

One day I was sitting in a small sandwich shop having lunch. At the next table was a young man, probably in his late twenties, sitting with a woman who, based on her age and the way they spoke to each other, was his mother.

I wasn't making an effort to eavesdrop, but they weren't whispering, so most of the conversation was clear. The young man was explaining why he had stayed in a terrible relationship, and how he had finally gotten out.

Are You Safe?

Imagine that you have gone out for dinner and drinks with someone you know. Perhaps he's someone you've met only recently, or he could be a long-time friend. Maybe he's someone you've been dating for a while. He could even be your boyfriend.

Now, imagine that something goes wrong. Without realizing it, you have too much to drink. Way too much. Maybe you got carried away and didn't pay attention to just how many drinks you'd had. (Or is it possible someone tampered with the drinks?) In any case, you start to feel woozy, and before you know what is happening, you pass out.

What do you expect your friend to do?

If Your Partner Treats You Badly

Do you live with someone who hurts you?

Maybe your spouse or partner hits you. Maybe this person likes to twist your arm, pinch you, or pull your hair. Maybe he or she threatens violence as a way of controlling your behavior, preventing you from speaking your opinions or asking for what you want, or preventing you from leaving. Has this person shown you a knife or a gun in order to control you? Has he or she threatened to cripple or kill you?

Jealousy is Not Romantic

Some people think that jealousy is a sign of love, but it is really a sign of trouble.

Jealousy can be roughly divided into two types: rational and irrational. Rational jealousy is a response to a real situation, such as a partner's untrustworthy behavior or infidelity. Irrational jealousy occurs when there is no misbehavior on the part of the partner, but it is generated from something in the jealous person's emotional makeup.

A person with a chronically jealous nature may be insecure, unable to trust, possessive, or controlling. Jealousy is common in emotionally or physically abusive relationships, where the abuser is constantly accusative, perceiving betrayal in the most innocent of transactions. The abuser attempts to monitor and control the spouse, and often flies into a rage over "nothing". No matter what the victimized spouse does to placate the abuser, the abuser is never satisfied, and the behavior tends to get worse over time.