Privacy and Secrecy

Our local newspaper publishes a low-quality advice column. Recently, a woman wrote to the columnist about an incident in which she had picked up her husband's phone and attempted to enter the password. (The wife admitted that her husband hadn't given her the password; she had figured it out by watching him.) Her husband jumped up and knocked the phone out of her hand. The wife believed that her husband had overreacted and that his behavior was suspicious. In response, the columnist berated the woman for snooping and violating her husband's privacy. Yikes!

Is Your Spouse About to Walk Out?

Patty Newbold recently wrote a great article about what to do if you have been blindsided by a spouse who wants to leave. She has some excellent advice for anyone whose mate has said "I love you, but I'm not in love with you," or is talking about leaving the marriage.

One reader's comment included the observation that it is, after all, the spouse who wants to stay who is the one more committed to the relationship. But things aren't always that simple.

The Consequences of Lying

People lie because they are afraid of the consequences of telling the truth. But the consequences of lying are much worse.

Martha doesn't want to have children. But she agrees with her fiance when he talks about how great it will be when they have kids, because she is afraid of losing him. Emily worries that her husband will be upset if he finds out how much she spent on new clothes this week, so she hides the receipts and tags at the bottom of the garbage and shoves the new items to the back of her closet. Mark wants to go out for drinks after work with an old college buddy, but he thinks his wife won't approve, so he tells her he is working late.