The Science of Happy Relationships

The secret to a happy marriage isn't really a secret. Scientists have spent decades studying every aspect of intimate relationships, and we now know a lot about what makes the difference between long-term bliss or ultimate divorce.

A Life Well Lived?

Imagine yourself in the distant future. You are 102 years old, reviewing your memories of a long life. What thoughts are going through your mind?

a)	I wish I'd spent more time watching my favorite TV shows.
b)	I'm so glad I turned off the TV and got involved in life.
c)	Why did I spend so much time sitting on the couch staring at a screen? There were so many other things I could have done.
a)	I should have fought even harder to get everyone to do things my way.
b)	I'm glad I was able to relax and let others do things in ways that worked best for them.
c)	I realize that I made myself and everyone around me miserable with my petty insistence on unimportant details.
a)	I always pointed out every mistake in great detail. That was the best way to get my spouse to be a better person.
b)	I offered encouragement by emphasizing my spouse's strengths and successes. I tried to keep criticism to a minimum.
c)	My constant complaints and put-downs alienated my spouse and family. I wish I had been more positive.
a)	I didn't waste time thanking my loved ones for their services. After, all, they just did what they were supposed to do.
b)	I appreciated everything my loved ones did for me, and it meant a lot to them when I told them how I felt.
c)	I wish I had told them how grateful I was for all the big and little things they did.
a)	Thank goodness, my demanding job gave me a great excuse to avoid most of my kids' activities.
b)	Fortunately, I took the time to participate in my kids' lives and watch them grow up.
c)	I missed so much. Childhood is over in an instant, and I wasn't there to share it.
a)	I got tremendous satisfaction from turning away from my spouse and minimizing our sex life.
b)	The sexual connection with my spouse brought great joy and pleasure to both of us.
c)	How I wish we had made love more.
a)	I was wise to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself. Letting people get too close is risky.
b)	There is no greater joy than the intimacy my love and I experienced when we shared our deepest selves.
c)	I missed so much by not allowing myself to be vulnerable and open with the one I loved.
a)	It was smart to manage my life so that I always catered to other people's expectations.
b)	It's a good thing I didn't care much about what others thought. Going my own way and making my own choices made my life fulfilling.
c)	What a fool I was to worry about how others might judge me. I suppressed my true nature and never accomplished what I really wanted.

Will your future self be grateful to you for the way you are living your life today?

It's not too late to change the choices you make.
 

The Habits of Happy Marriages

by guest blogger Alicia Lawrence

We've all seen them, those happy couples who are still just as in love on their 50th anniversary as they were on their wedding day. But sadly, in an age where 50% of all marriages in the United States end in divorce, those blissfully happy couples are becoming increasingly harder to find.

If you want to take your marriage from one that just gets by and survives to one that thrives, following the habits of happy couples listed below is a great place to start:

Newlywed and Think Your Marriage Was a Mistake? This is Normal!

By guest blogger Cathy Lorient

Surely you've heard the expression, "The honeymoon is over", which is meant to mean that the fun easy part of a relationship has passed and now it's time to buckle up for a bumpy ride. But why we seem to believe that the honeymoon period, typically considered to be first year of marriage, is so wonderful is a mystery. In reality, many newly married couples think their marriage was a mistake or that their marriage is over almost before it's begun.

Hold Onto Happy Times a Little Longer

by guest blogger Patty Newbold

Whether your marriage is good or bad today, I am sure you can recall times when it was happy. Perhaps on your wedding day or the day you moved into your first house. Maybe you two gave birth to a child with those tiny little fingers gripped around one of yours and a smile you just knew was real because those baby eyes were locked on yours when it happened.

Happiness shows up during vacations, job promotions, or working together to open a store. It might show up the day you pay off the mortgage or send the last child to college or the day the hot tub gets installed.