Solving An Annoying Habit

A reader asked for help with this annoying problem in her marriage.

She wrote: "My husband has a habit that I hate. He uses the toothpaste and never puts the cap back on. I have asked him about this many times. He says he will change but always after one day he goes back to the old habit. We have argued about it and he doesn't think it is a big deal but it really bothers me, it is so sloppy and inconsiderate. It has reached the point where just seeing the cap on the counter makes me want to scream. How can I get him to do this one thing?"

When our partners continue to do annoying things, it can seem as though they just don't care much about us. Why else would they refuse take a few simple actions to please us and make our lives easier? We start to feel neglected and resentful.

My husband used to get really annoyed with me because I couldn't seem to screw the lids back onto jars properly. He kept finding jars with loose lids, and it was driving him crazy.

I don't do it intentionally. For some reason, jar lids challenge me, and I prefer not to spend a lot of time struggling with them, so my attitude tends to be "close enough". As he complained more and more, I tried harder and harder to get the darn things lined up and screwed down. But I didn't always succeed. From his point of view, as he still ran into those loose lids, it seemed that I just wasn't paying attention. We both felt more and more frustrated.

Toothpaste caps. Jar lids. There are a million little things in the world that can annoy us. Or they can amuse us. Instead of growling because an otherwise competent adult can't seem to handle this one little thing, we can choose to smile about it, because every individual has little quirks and flaws that are part of the whole picture of who that person is. It's not so annoying when we see it as amusing, or endearing.

Finally, hubby and I had a clear discussion about jar lids, and we were able to let the issue go. I found this quotation from The 7 Best Things Happy Couples Do by John and Linda Friel:

"I used to get so mad at you because you left the tops off of everything. Now, when I reach for the juice and the cover falls off, I smile and think, 'Oh. She's been here recently. She's in my life. I'm so glad.'"

It's your choice.

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Things I Do That Annoy My Husband

[This is the first entry in a series.]

Sometimes I watch TV with the sound off.

The mute button makes TV better. Not all the time, of course. But some programs are just fine without words.

Imagine a nature show about lions chasing gazelles. They catch them or they don't. Nobody needs to explain that to me. Or an old TV rerun that I've come across halfway through and don't care what it's about. I can guess at the story, without hearing the corny dialogue.

The Habits of Happy Marriages

by guest blogger Alicia Lawrence

We've all seen them, those happy couples who are still just as in love on their 50th anniversary as they were on their wedding day. But sadly, in an age where 50% of all marriages in the United States end in divorce, those blissfully happy couples are becoming increasingly harder to find.

If you want to take your marriage from one that just gets by and survives to one that thrives, following the habits of happy couples listed below is a great place to start:

Are You Trying to Drive Me Crazy?

Does your spouse do something that makes you uncomfortable, gets in your way, or just drives you crazy? She whistles while she works. He drops his underwear in the middle of the bedroom floor. She leaves the sponge in a big puddle of water on the counter. He puts his feet up on the coffee table. She laughs so loudly at the TV that you can't hear the dialogue. He leaves the cupboard doors open.

Perhaps you have suffered in silence. More likely you have mentioned the problem, nicely at first, but with increasing irritation as time goes by. Your partner knows how much this bothers you. It's pretty obvious that he is too selfish to care. It would be so easy to do the right thing, but obviously he has no respect for your feelings. If he really loved you, he would be more considerate. You may begin to wonder if he is doing this deliberately to spite you.

Just Overlook It

by guest blogger Rev. Rich

If you think about it, there’s something about everyone you know that bugs you. It might be a bad habit they have, it might be the way they do a certain thing, it might even be an attitude that you think they have towards you. Regardless of what it is, you put up with it for that relationship.

Re-read that last sentence. Now, why is it that we are so apt to overlook things that our friends and co-workers do, in order to maintain our relationship with them, but we have trouble doing the same thing with our wife? It would seem to me that love would make it easier to overlook something that doesn’t agree with us; but in most cases, we find more things that bother us in our mates, than we do in our friends. Why is that?