The Marriage Minute

The Gottman Institute has introduced a newsletter called "The Marriage Minute". This is a very positive resource for any marriage or close relationship.

Delivered via email twice a week, each newsletter contains a short article with useful information on a relevant subject. Included are links to actions you can take or exercises to try, as well as additional web pages or videos.

For example, yesterday's newsletter was entitled "Conflict is Inevitable". People are different, so some kind of conflict is bound to happen in any relationship. The good news is that conflict doesn't need to damage a relationship. Handling it well can actually bring people closer together. Included was a checklist to help couples recover from a fight, as well as links to articles with more information.

To subscribe to the Marriage Minute, just go to www.gottman.com/the-marriage-minute/ and enter your email address.
 

What You Believe Changes What You See

I just heard someone say, "If your theory doesn't match the facts, you need to change your theory." This good-sense advice may seem obvious, but people often do just the opposite.

Theory becomes belief, and belief is perceived as truth. When it doesn't fit the facts, rather than admit that what we believe isn't true, and change our theory to fit the facts, we prefer to twist our interpretation of the facts to fit our theory, which has now become dogma.

It is clear that this happens all too often in politics, religion, history, economics, and many kinds of research.

The Science of Happy Relationships

The secret to a happy marriage isn't really a secret. Scientists have spent decades studying every aspect of intimate relationships, and we now know a lot about what makes the difference between long-term bliss or ultimate divorce.

A New Day, A New Life

 

The New Year

I don't make New Year's resolutions. If I want to start something new, give up a bad habit, or just generally improve myself, any time is a good time to begin. New things happen all the time.

Strengthen Marriage with Online Tips

The first of John Gottman's Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is "Strengthen Your Love Maps." This means that we should get to know our spouses better all the time, updating information that may have changed, reminding ourselves of things we may have forgotten, and learning new things about each other. The better we know the person we married, the stronger our love becomes and the better we are able to both enjoy each other and withstand stress together.

Gottman Seven Principles Program

Earlier this month, I had the opportunity to attend the Gottman Institute's Seven Principles Educator Training in Seattle. This training was designed to prepare educators to lead couples' classes and workshops using the Seven Principles Program.

Knowing When to Trust

In What Makes Love Last?, relationship expert John Gottman explains that trust is the fundamental requirement for long-lasting, fulfilling love.

Trust usually builds as a relationship progresses, through small and large opportunities to demonstrate honesty and reliability. We can see how a potential partner treats us and others, and we develop a sense of what this person's overall character and behavior is like.

But sometimes there are issues that impair the ability to trust or distrust appropriately.

We Just Disagree

Some conflict in marriage is unavoidable. Whether our conflicts arise from simple misunderstandings or from basic differences in personality and needs, it is inevitable that two people creating a life together will have disagreements and arguments. Experts generally agree that it isn't necessary to avoid conflict in order to have a good relationship. What matters isn't whether we argue, but how we argue and what we do about it.