One Way to Settle an Argument

In my twenties, I had, for a short time, a rather difficult roommate. She and I constantly disagreed over housekeeping issues. Should there be a box of tissues in the living room? Do we need a paper towel holder in the kitchen? How often should the carpet be vacuumed? What is the best way to place glasses in the cupboard? How strictly should food expiration dates be observed? The final straw for me was when her creepy boyfriend stayed overnight and left cigarette butts floating in the toilet. Yecch!

Truly, Madly, Deeply

The lyrics of this song by Savage Garden describe the way many people feel at the beginning of a romantic relationship. Call it falling in love. Call it infatuation. Call it the honeymoon phase. It is an exhilarating time when we believe without any doubt that our partner is perfect, that we can fill each other's every need, that the power of our love makes anything possible, and that we will always be as passionate and devoted as we are right this minute.

As exciting and pleasurable as it is, infatuation is temporary, and it is not a good predictor of a relationship's long-term success. According to researcher Pat Love, societies that view infatuation as the most important criterion for marriage have the highest divorce rates. It is only when we get past this euphoric state that real love can begin.

Sometimes the end of infatuation also leads to the end of the relationship. This may be for good reasons, since people often find that their chemical attraction blinded them to serious problems that make this an inappropriate match. In other cases, people who have the potential to form a lasting relationship break up when the infatuation ends because they are intensely attached to unrealistic expectations and now feel bitterly disappointed.

When a couple stays together post-infatuation, they have the opportunity to make the transition into the next phase of their relationship, in which love deepens as they discover who they really are. They need to be more practical, to make adjustments, to compromise.

The initial excitement will not last forever. But the romance can continue when we remember what infatuation taught us about nurturing love: make the relationship a priority, laugh and play together, express sexuality, be verbally and physically affectionate, give each other the benefit of the doubt, support each other and face the world as a team.
 

Are You Trying to Drive Me Crazy?

Does your spouse do something that makes you uncomfortable, gets in your way, or just drives you crazy? She whistles while she works. He drops his underwear in the middle of the bedroom floor. She leaves the sponge in a big puddle of water on the counter. He puts his feet up on the coffee table. She laughs so loudly at the TV that you can't hear the dialogue. He leaves the cupboard doors open.

Perhaps you have suffered in silence. More likely you have mentioned the problem, nicely at first, but with increasing irritation as time goes by. Your partner knows how much this bothers you. It's pretty obvious that he is too selfish to care. It would be so easy to do the right thing, but obviously he has no respect for your feelings. If he really loved you, he would be more considerate. You may begin to wonder if he is doing this deliberately to spite you.

Be Spontaneous!

By guest blogger Larry James

Never value certainty so much that you don't allow yourself to be open and available for the adventure that spontaneity provides!

Never underestimate the value of spontaneity in a relationship. Too often relationships lose their excitement because the partners fall into a routine that becomes boring as time goes by. Regimented routines are okay for the short term but become boring after a while. If you spend too much of your time planning the details of your relationship you will most likely get pretty worked up when things don't work out as planned. A plan that has no room for flexibility. Allow your instincts to take over for a moment instead of relying on rationality.

The Five Layers of “Why?” Use the Ritz Carlton’s Method to Identify the Root Cause of Any Problem

By guest blogger Maggie Reyes

"Why?" is bar none my favorite question ever.

If you ask my best friend what she remembers about growing up with me (besides the slumber parties and ice cream) she will say it's that I always asked Why. Ever since I was a child, I wanted to know how things worked and why things are the way they are.

So imagine my delight when I was studiously learning life coaching tools and techniques and our Master Coaches drilled into us that why is the most important question we can ask our clients whenever they are stuck, feeling bad or otherwise not standing in their personal power.

I was giddy.

Newlywed and Think Your Marriage Was a Mistake? This is Normal!

By guest blogger Cathy Lorient

Surely you've heard the expression, "The honeymoon is over", which is meant to mean that the fun easy part of a relationship has passed and now it's time to buckle up for a bumpy ride. But why we seem to believe that the honeymoon period, typically considered to be first year of marriage, is so wonderful is a mystery. In reality, many newly married couples think their marriage was a mistake or that their marriage is over almost before it's begun.