Seven Romantic Gifts For Your Special Someone

by guest blogger Alicia Lawrence

It's the holiday season, and if you've got a special someone in your life, that means time for romantic sleigh rides, smooching under the mistletoe, and exchanging presents.

For some couples, this can be a pretty stressful ordeal. After all, the gift you give says a lot about what you think of your significant other, and you want to get them something you know they'll love.

You Don't Have to Be Young

My great-aunt Ruth was 48 years old when she married the love of her life, Steve. They both worked for the County Sheriff's department and had known each other nearly twenty years. I don't know when their romance started, but I know that for a time they hesitated to get married because their families did not approve. They both lived with widowed parents who were very protective of their middle-aged children.

A Love Story

Lately I have come across so many people describing the first nine minutes of Up as their all-time favorite romantic movie that I had to see it for myself.

Wow.

After the 1:45 mark, there is no dialog. The story is told with an eloquence that requires no words.

This is the kind of love I envisioned when I got married. How about you?
 

Truly, Madly, Deeply

The lyrics of this song by Savage Garden describe the way many people feel at the beginning of a romantic relationship. Call it falling in love. Call it infatuation. Call it the honeymoon phase. It is an exhilarating time when we believe without any doubt that our partner is perfect, that we can fill each other's every need, that the power of our love makes anything possible, and that we will always be as passionate and devoted as we are right this minute.

As exciting and pleasurable as it is, infatuation is temporary, and it is not a good predictor of a relationship's long-term success. According to researcher Pat Love, societies that view infatuation as the most important criterion for marriage have the highest divorce rates. It is only when we get past this euphoric state that real love can begin.

Sometimes the end of infatuation also leads to the end of the relationship. This may be for good reasons, since people often find that their chemical attraction blinded them to serious problems that make this an inappropriate match. In other cases, people who have the potential to form a lasting relationship break up when the infatuation ends because they are intensely attached to unrealistic expectations and now feel bitterly disappointed.

When a couple stays together post-infatuation, they have the opportunity to make the transition into the next phase of their relationship, in which love deepens as they discover who they really are. They need to be more practical, to make adjustments, to compromise.

The initial excitement will not last forever. But the romance can continue when we remember what infatuation taught us about nurturing love: make the relationship a priority, laugh and play together, express sexuality, be verbally and physically affectionate, give each other the benefit of the doubt, support each other and face the world as a team.
 

Something Special Today?

If your sweetie craves extra attention on Valentine's Day, be generous and provide it. If you have been hoping for something special and your partner fails to provide, be generous and forgive. Don't let the presence or absence of grand, romantic gestures influence the future of your relationship.

Great Reads

Here are some of the many valuable articles I have found on marriage blogs during recent weeks. Please take a moment to browse through the list. There is information and inspiration here for everyone.

Great Gifts For Husband or Wife - If you are still struggling with holiday shopping and looking for the right gift for your mate, this article by Patty Newbold at Assume Love might make you rethink the whole process.

Commitment in Love - Dr. Rich Nicastro at Strengthen Your Relationship explains why we need a secure foundation of commitment to keep love strong.

How to Be Romantic Without Cards, Flowers or Chocolate - Sean at Simple Marriage has some advice on how to break away from the cliches and make romance personal again.

Avoid Fights About Money - Loren Berlin at the Huffington Post outlines the best strategies to avoid financial conflicts in your relationships.

Five Proven Steps to Protect Your Marriage - Rick Reynolds at Affair Recovery offers some simple steps to invest in your marriage and protect yourself against infidelity.

How to Stay in Love - At The Power of Two, the longest-married couple shares the secrets that have enabled them to maintain a happy, healthy connection for 87 years.

Breakfast in Bed? Maybe.

One suggestion that appears repeatedly in the search for advice on how to be more romantic is to surprise your sweetheart with breakfast in bed.

This sounds like fun, but there may be some problems.

The Heart of Romance

Patricia Love, in her book Hot Monogamy, says,

Romance is the way that you demonstrate your love and respect for your partner on an ongoing basis. Through your words and actions you let your partner know that he or she occupies a central place in your life.

In The Science of Trust: Emotional Attunement for Couples, John Gottman defines romance as

the state that follows an agreement made with one's partner to nurture acts and thoughts that cherish qualities of each partner as special, unique, and irreplaceable.

What is Romance?

Romance is one of those ideas, like love, happiness, and enough, that mean different things to different people. For many people, romance is associated with a dramatic, high-fantasy version of relationships that may be very exciting in a paperback book or on a movie screen, but that is impossible to sustain in real life. Few of us have the time and energy to spend our days galloping along the beach on a jet-black stallion, dressing in elaborate costumes, meeting our lovers in exotic locations, and concocting secret identities, all the while letting our hair flow in the wind while our bosoms heave with passion. There is laundry to be done, the cat needs to be fed, and sooner or later someone has to go to work.

On a more realistic note, Wikipedia tells us that the word romance "implies an expression of one's love, or one's deep emotional desires to connect with another person." That makes sense to me. The desire to express love, to feel loved in return, and to experience a deep connection with a partner is at the heart of a happy marriage.

Please join me in exploring married life, with an emphasis on what romance really means, what it takes to create it, to keep it alive, and to rediscover it after a difficult time.