We Just Disagree

Some conflict in marriage is unavoidable. Whether our conflicts arise from simple misunderstandings or from basic differences in personality and needs, it is inevitable that two people creating a life together will have disagreements and arguments. Experts generally agree that it isn't necessary to avoid conflict in order to have a good relationship. What matters isn't whether we argue, but how we argue and what we do about it.

What the Experts Say About Love

 
We need someone to pay real attention, to hold us tight, to come very close sometimes and respond to us in an emotional way that moves us, connects with us. Nothing compares with that.
Sue Johnson, Hold Me Tight

It is about the gentle, and sometimes not so gentle, give and take of sharing, knowing, and striving to fulfill each other's needs.
Matthew Kelly, The Seven Levels of Intimacy

True love replenishes itself daily through acts of kindness.
Pat Love, The Truth About Love

Love isn't just a feeling; it's an action that shows our caring.
Linda and Charlie Bloom, 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married

Couples who have grown to love and trust each other over the years form an unparalleled support system. Their shared history, their steadfast commitment, and their appreciation of each other create a vast reservoir of peace and contentment.
Patricia Love, Hot Monogamy

To be known we must reveal our opinions, our feelings, our dreams, our values, and our deepest desires. We must have the courage to be transparent and real.
Alisa Bowman, Project: Happily Ever After

 

Does This Dress Make Me Look Fat?

It is the question that strikes terror into the heart of even the most stalwart husband.

You have gone shopping with your beloved wife and are waiting patiently while she tries on a few items. Suddenly she emerges from the dressing room and asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"

Yikes! Most men believe there is no right answer to this question. And trying to avoid answering it will get you into just as much trouble as anything you might say. The only solution is to run and hide. But you're going to have to come home sooner or later, so you might as well stand your ground now.

The Balloon Bites the Dust

The end was inevitable. There it is, lying quietly on the carpet, the deflated Valentine's Day balloon. I paid less than $10 for this at the grocery store on February 13. It floated proudly for weeks, cheerfully displaying its shiny message every day. It took nearly three months for it to gradually sink to the floor. Despite its fall from grace, it is a reminder that you don't always have to spend a lot of money to make a big impression. But today is trash day, time to let the balloon go.

Read All About It

If you are looking for advice, information, inspiration, or a good laugh, there are plenty of marriage-related websites and blogs to choose from. I've collected a list of nearly 70 blogs with something for just about everyone.

The list is alphabetical, so there is no ranking or preference implied. Most of the descriptions are provided by the bloggers themselves. It's fun to browse through the list and read a few posts here and there. There are many different points of view represented.

Jealousy is Not Romantic

Some people think that jealousy is a sign of love, but it is really a sign of trouble.

Jealousy can be roughly divided into two types: rational and irrational. Rational jealousy is a response to a real situation, such as a partner's untrustworthy behavior or infidelity. Irrational jealousy occurs when there is no misbehavior on the part of the partner, but it is generated from something in the jealous person's emotional makeup.

A person with a chronically jealous nature may be insecure, unable to trust, possessive, or controlling. Jealousy is common in emotionally or physically abusive relationships, where the abuser is constantly accusative, perceiving betrayal in the most innocent of transactions. The abuser attempts to monitor and control the spouse, and often flies into a rage over "nothing". No matter what the victimized spouse does to placate the abuser, the abuser is never satisfied, and the behavior tends to get worse over time.

The Heart of Romance

Patricia Love, in her book Hot Monogamy, says,

Romance is the way that you demonstrate your love and respect for your partner on an ongoing basis. Through your words and actions you let your partner know that he or she occupies a central place in your life.

In The Science of Trust: Emotional Attunement for Couples, John Gottman defines romance as

the state that follows an agreement made with one's partner to nurture acts and thoughts that cherish qualities of each partner as special, unique, and irreplaceable.