A Sunny Christmas

Photo by Thomas Kelley on Unsplash

Christmas in Orlando, Florida (our current location) isn't much different from Christmas in Los Angeles (our starting point). In public places, the endless soundtrack of songs about snow and sleigh bells is contradicted by the warm sunshine and blooming flowers. The only snowmen are the inflatable kind. Families travel from colder places to spend their holiday vacations here, and the theme parks do a booming business.

While winter weather is a beloved Christmas cliche in North America, it's summer in the Southern Hemisphere, and not exactly cold in the tropics and subtropics. Most of the populated areas on the planet do not experience a "white Christmas". Because I grew up in southern California, I think of Christmas as a sunny time, when people just might go to the beach. For me, Christmas in Florida feels like home.

Wherever you are, I wish you a wonderful season and a new year filled with love and happiness. Here is Irving Berlin's "Happy Holiday" as performed by Bing Crosby and the Andrews Sisters in 1942.

 

After All These Years

When we said "I do" 32 years ago, we didn't know what lay ahead. We expected it to be interesting, but we had no idea just how interesting it would get. Our road has taken many unexpected turns, and we have made many choices that would have seemed highly unlikely on that December day in 1985.

Of all the choices we have made, perhaps the most surprising was our decision to sell everything and take a long vacation. As radical as it seems, it was an easy decision to make. We knew almost immediately that this was exactly what we wanted and needed to do.

We have been on the road and blogging about our travels for over six months. In a larger sense, we have been on this journey together for over three decades. We have come a long way together, and we still have a long way to go.
 

Thanksgiving on the Road

Last year at this time, I wrote about how to get along with difficult people at the holidays.

Luckily, that is not a problem I am currently facing!

We are in Atlanta on Day 174 of our vacation, celebrating with congenial family members. Although the picture I chose to illustrate this post is a stock photo by Cala on Unsplash, it looks a lot like the delicious butternut squash soup my sister-in-law made for us.

Steve and I are very thankful for everything we have been able to do, for everything we have, and for the love and support of all our family and friends.

I hope you are having a wonderful holiday.
 

I'm Still Here

When Steve and I started our vacation, I imagined that blogging would be simple. After all, we would have new experiences all the time. We would just sit down at the end of the day and write all about it. What could be easier?

The reality has been a little different. Our schedule is very full. At the end of a long (albeit enjoyable) day, sleep is likely to be a higher priority than blogging.

Right now we are in the process of re-adjusting our schedule so that we'll have more time available for some of the tasks we have tended to neglect (little things like laundry), as well as more time to relax and blog.

In the meantime, we have posted pictures and narratives of some of our travels so far at Let's Go Somewhere Else.
 

Solving An Annoying Habit

A reader asked for help with this annoying problem in her marriage.

She wrote: "My husband has a habit that I hate. He uses the toothpaste and never puts the cap back on. I have asked him about this many times. He says he will change but always after one day he goes back to the old habit. We have argued about it and he doesn't think it is a big deal but it really bothers me, it is so sloppy and inconsiderate. It has reached the point where just seeing the cap on the counter makes me want to scream. How can I get him to do this one thing?"

When our partners continue to do annoying things, it can seem as though they just don't care much about us. Why else would they refuse take a few simple actions to please us and make our lives easier? We start to feel neglected and resentful.

My husband used to get really annoyed with me because I couldn't seem to screw the lids back onto jars properly. He kept finding jars with loose lids, and it was driving him crazy.

I don't do it intentionally. For some reason, jar lids challenge me, and I prefer not to spend a lot of time struggling with them, so my attitude tends to be "close enough". As he complained more and more, I tried harder and harder to get the darn things lined up and screwed down. But I didn't always succeed. From his point of view, as he still ran into those loose lids, it seemed that I just wasn't paying attention. We both felt more and more frustrated.

Toothpaste caps. Jar lids. There are a million little things in the world that can annoy us. Or they can amuse us. Instead of growling because an otherwise competent adult can't seem to handle this one little thing, we can choose to smile about it, because every individual has little quirks and flaws that are part of the whole picture of who that person is. It's not so annoying when we see it as amusing, or endearing.

Finally, hubby and I had a clear discussion about jar lids, and we were able to let the issue go. I found this quotation from The 7 Best Things Happy Couples Do by John and Linda Friel:

"I used to get so mad at you because you left the tops off of everything. Now, when I reach for the juice and the cover falls off, I smile and think, 'Oh. She's been here recently. She's in my life. I'm so glad.'"

It's your choice.

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Email subscribers: Text and photos may not be displayed to best advantage in your email reader. (In some cases, embedded images or videos are not displayed at all in email.) To see the original article, you can click on the title link above, or go directly to www.forbetterorwhat.com
 

Letting Go

Starting a new way of life requires letting go of the old.

We knew we were serious when re-homed the cats. We were sad to say goodbye to them, but they couldn't stay with us, and they are very happy in their new location.

Friends and neighbors thought it was pretty interesting when we sold or donated most of the stuff we had collected over a couple of lifetimes. We put just a few things in storage.

When we sold the house we felt liberated. As much as we had once loved living there, we were ready to move on, and to be freed of the many responsibilities of home ownership.

Finally, we sold Steve's car. Driving that convertible with the top down was something he really enjoyed. But we only need one car for our trip, and it has to be the practical choice, the one with room for our luggage. From now on, it isn't "my car" and "your car" - it's just "the car".

This car is now somewhere else.

We have one suitcase each, a couple of small carry-on bags for incidentals, and our pillows.

We're on the road.
 

Done But Not Finished

Once we had packed up our possessions and moved out of our house, I was ready to leave it all behind and hit the road.

But it isn't that simple.

How Can I Miss You When you Won't Go Away

People keep asking us when we are leaving town, and a few people were under the impression we were already gone. That would be great! But there are just a few things still holding us back.

The good news is that our house sale is pending, and the better news is that escrow might closer sooner than originally predicted.

There is still plenty to do. The sale has required an amazing amount of paperwork (now mostly all completed). We need a termite inspection (and possibly some action based on the results). There are a few small repairs that need to be done. We are also stuck in town for a couple of extra weeks beyond escrow because I have a doctor appointment that just couldn't be scheduled any sooner.

A few months ago, we had a long, long list of things to do. That list is now pretty short. Although it has been difficult and frustrating at times, it is doable, and we are doing it.

Every time we check off something from our to-do list, Steve says, "One step closer." We feel closer to freedom each day.
 

Missing Link?

It appears that this blog's email subscribers who receive posts on mobile devices did not receive the link to a short video that was part of yesterday's post, a clip showing Steve at his retirement party. For those who missed it, here is the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7G4kgQcUB4.

"But Not For Lunch"

"For better or worse, but not for lunch."

It's a saying familiar to my mother's generation, a humorous way of suggesting that when a husband retires, his wife may not welcome having him home all the time.

After Steve and I announced our plan to retire and spend months or years traveling together, some people wondered if this might turn out to be too much of a good thing. Will being together "all the time" prove to be boring, irritating, or suffocating?

Not yet.

Maybe if we were sitting around doing nothing all day we would have a problem, but for the past few months we have been busier than ever, as we get ready for the next phase of our life together.

We couldn't stay in our house once we moved our possessions out. Everything was either stored, sold, or donated. We moved into temporary housing (a small, one-bedroom apartment) while preparing to sell the house.

We do spend a lot of time together, working on whatever project needs to be done to move forward with our plans, taking walks, and — yes — having lunch. We also have time to pursue our own interests. We agreed a long time ago that it's okay to have separate activities, or just to seek a little solitude.

Our biggest challenge is probably the bathroom. In our old house, we shared a large master bathroom with two sinks. Conveniently, there was another bathroom off the hallway, and a third one downstairs. Nobody ever had to wait.

Here, there is one small bathroom, with one sink. Additionally, the only mirror in the apartment is the one over the bathroom sink. We need to remember that getting ready in the morning will take a little extra time. And sometimes someone may have to wait a few minutes. But this no worse than normal vacation conditions. We've had to deal with smaller spaces than this one. If this is the biggest problem we face, we'll be okay.
 

Let's Go Somewhere Else

My husband and I have started a new blog to chronicle our next big adventure.

It's called Let's Go Somewhere Else. We'll be writing about life on the road, and posting lots of pictures of the places we go.
 

This Question Changed My Life

In my last post, I wrote about the experience my husband and I had with a questionnaire designed to help people feel closer.

The questionnaire encourages people to share some of their thoughts and feelings in a way that becomes more intense as the questions progress.

Question 19 asks, "If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?"

This is a powerful question, because it requires us to examine our priorities and think about the value of how we spend our time. It asks what we really want from life.

My husband's answer was, "I would sell everything and travel the world with you."

The more I thought about it, the more I realized it was what I would want to do, too. A few nights later I said, "You don't have to die to travel the world. What if we just did it, sold everything and started traveling?"

It didn't take much discussion for us to agree that this didn't have to be a fantasy. We really could leave our jobs, sell the house, and hit the road.

And that is exactly what we are about to do.
 

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Note: The name of the published study that includes the questionnaire is "The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness: A Procedure and Some Preliminary Findings". You can find it by clicking on the questionnaire link in the above article. If you just want to go straight to the questions, click on this link to a printable version.

Although some sources say it takes about 45 minutes for a couple to answer the questions, I recommend setting aside two hours when you will not be interrupted. That way you can move at a relaxed pace without any pressure to finish too quickly.
 

Can a Questionnaire Make you Fall In Love?

Perhaps you have seen the claim that a series of 36 questions can make you fall in love with someone.

This idea is based on a 1997 experiment conducted by Arthur Aron and colleagues. The researchers were studying close relationships, and they wondered if it would be possible to generate feelings of closeness by getting pairs of people who did not know each other to participate in some kind of relationship-building task. Their goal was to "create a temporary feeling of closeness, not an actual ongoing relationship."

In a series of experiments, people were assigned to pairs. They were then given a set of questions to answer. The questions were designed to allow the participants to reveal themselves to each other in a way that become more intense as the questions progressed.

All the participants were given personality assessments prior to the study. To test different theories, there were three different variations of the study, in which people were paired in different ways.

The study found that this method was quite effective in getting people to feel close. Of course, there were individual variations, and some personality types or combinations were more affected than others. Despite the often strong feelings evoked by the experiment, the researchers do not claim that these questions would be enough to create a real relationship. Normally, shared experiences and the development of trust and affection over time are required for friendship or romance to progress.

The test subjects were under no obligation to stay in touch after the experiment, but some did. Many of them did develop friendships or romances afterwards, and at least one couple got married. Of course, this didn't happen to everyone who participated, but the researchers did find it very encouraging.

Despite the researchers' caution in reporting their findings, many people have jumped on this story and touted these questions as a sure-fire way to "fall in love with anyone." A few bloggers say that they and their partners used this method to start a serious relationship.

Naturally, Hubby and I had to try this. We printed out a copy of the questions and carefully went through them.

After 30 years of marriage, we certainly weren't in the same position as the study subjects, who were unknown to each other. And we weren't the same as people casually dating who decided to take their relationship to another level.

Even so, we did feel a positive effect from trying this exercise. This is in alignment with the advice of many marriage experts, who say that marriages thrive when the partners maintain an interest in all kinds of information about each other. Asking questions is one of the recommended ways to do this.

For example, The Gottman Institute uses the term Love Maps for the personal information couples collect about each other, and offers some lists of questions to use. The Lifehack website has a list of 100 questions to make Date Night more interesting.

For a truly interesting experience, the questions from the Aron study are great. It took us about two hours to answer them all; some people might do it more quickly, while others might need a little more time. It's best not to read the questions ahead of time. Spontaneity is a bonus. If you're doing this with your long-time partner, remember that the questions were originally intended to be shared by strangers. Don't assume you know what your partner will say. And above all, don't argue or debate the answers. This is about getting better acquainted.

For us, one of these questions was life-changing. I'll explain that in my next post.

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Source: Arthur Aron, Edward Melinat, Elaine N. Aron, Robert Darrin Vallone, Renee J. Bator. "The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness: A Procedure and Some Preliminary Findings". Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin Vol. 23 No. 4, April 1997.

So Much to Do

Right now I'm involved in a major life change. So much to do, so little time! It's keeping me away from the blog, but within the next few weeks I will be writing about everything that's happening. Good stuff.
 

It's Windy Out There

Last night the wind started to blow really hard. I woke up around 4:00 am and could hear something making a metallic banging noise outside. Getting back to sleep wouldn't be possible unless it stopped.

I was lying there in the dark, steeling myself to get up, put on some pants and a heavy jacket, and go outside. But before I was quite ready to make my move, my husband got up, put on some pants and a jacket, went outside, and fixed whatever it was.

My husband does uncomfortable things that keep us both comfortable. We take care of each other. I don't have to do it all myself!
 

My Experience With Amazon Locker

Yesterday I tried something new. I had known for a while that Amazon offers the option of delivering packages to a locker instead of your address. Lockers are located at places like convenience stores, supermarkets, transportation centers, and residential facilities. This is helpful for people who, for any reason, cannot receive deliveries at their home or at work. There is no extra charge to use a locker.

I wanted to test the locker concept, so I chose the one closest to my house, which happened to be in front of a convenience store about three miles away. As an added bonus, I was offered same-day delivery for no charge (because I'm a Prime member), and I accepted.

The email I got said I would receive my item by 9:00 pm. I hoped it would come earlier. I don't know what time the package was actually placed inside the locker, but the delivery notification arrived at exactly 9:00. I could have waited until the next day (Amazon allows a few days for pickup), but I was eager, so Hubby and I drove to the location.

These convenience stores sometimes make me uncomfortable because of the odd-looking characters always hanging around outside. Although the location was not in what I would call a dangerous neighborhood, I wouldn't have done this nighttime pickup alone.

The locker was a small bank of mailboxes connected to a computer screen, keypad, and bar code scanner. The email notifying me of delivery included an alpha-numeric code as well as the image of a bar code I could submit to the scanner, using my phone. The scanner did not recognize the bar code (the scanner was placed at an odd angle, and I couldn't tell if it was working), so I manually entered the code. One of the boxes opened. My package was inside. As soon as I took delivery, an email arrived to let me know my package had been picked up, with a link to a survey about the experience.

Overall, this was easy to do. I wanted to try it because Hubby and I are planning a long road trip, and this service might be very convenient while we are away from home. Same-day delivery will not be available for all items or in all cities, but we could have items delivered to locations where we plan to be. While I don't expect to do a lot of shopping on the road, it's good to know that this option is available.

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This is NOT a sponsored post. Nobody asked me to write it, and, alas, I did not receive any compensation.
 

The Link Between Domestic Violence and Substance Abuse

Photo courtesy of Unsplash by Freestocks.org

by guest contributor Michelle Peterson

Domestic violence is not necessarily caused by substance abuse; however, research has shown that there is a strong link between the two. According to Addiction.org, regular alcohol abuse is one of the leading causes of domestic violence. In fact, nearly two thirds of all domestic violence offenders also use and/or abuse substances like drugs or alcohol. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) cautions that the effects of these traumas may not surface right away (and victims often do not come forward) so this problem may be worse than we realize.

Although domestic violence is not directly caused by substance abuse, we can see that drug and/or alcohol usage remains the common denominator in many cases of domestic violence and abuse. Research has shown that most abusers were using drugs, alcohol or other substances at the time of the abuse. Even worse, the trauma of being abused often causes the victims to turn to drug and alcohol abuse as a means of dealing with their situation.

Think this is just limited to hard drugs like meth and cocaine? Think again. Some of the substances frequently involved in domestic violence cases include commonly-used prescription pills, many of which are known to unleash violent behaviors, according to Time Magazine.

Since we know that drug and alcohol abuse is directly linked to domestic violence - and vice versa - what can we do? Experts recommend that abusers and victims take advantage of the following:

• Anger Management Classes
• Drug Rehab and Substance Abuse Treatment
• A 12 Step Program for Alcohol Abuse and/or Drug Addiction (Alcoholics Anonymous is one great option)
• Nar-Anon, Al-Anon and other support groups and 12 Step healing programs for victims and families
• Mental Illness Treatment
• Trauma Therapy
• Eating Disorder Treatments (eating disorders are commonly diagnosed among domestic violence victims)

In addition, abusers need a safe place to continue their recovery in order to break the cycle of abuse. Unfortunately, many abusers are unsuccessful with the methods listed above because they are surrounded with too much toxicity and temptation during their recovery process. In order to have a successful recovery process, people need:

• A drug-free environment (this is one of the most important aspects to recovery)
• Regular meals
• Transportation to and from meetings and appointments
• People to talk to who are supportive, nonviolent, and are not currently using or abusing drugs or alcohol
• If these needs cannot be met in the offender’s household, the offender may need to consider inpatient care instead of the usual outpatient care

This is sobering data, but at the end of the day we still have the power to change these numbers for the better. There are several treatment options available for abusers and victims, regardless of whether or not drugs are involved in the cases. It’s also important to address any co-occurring disorders that may be leading to or resulting from substance abuse or domestic violence. With proper treatment, it is possible to effectively address these disorders, heal victims, reform abusers, and help take the first steps towards healing.

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Michelle Peterson is a recovering addict, and she wishes to eliminate the stigma surrounding people who struggle with addiction.
 

He Searched 100 Miles And Found Her

In his 1903 autobiography, the astronomer Simon Newcomb wrote about how his parents met. It's a sweet story.

My father was the most rational and the most dispassionate of men. The conduct of his life was guided by a philosophy based on Combe's "Constitution of Man," and I used to feel that the law of the land was a potent instrument in shaping his paternal affections.

His method of seeking a wife was so far unique that it may not be devoid of interest, even at this date. From careful study he had learned that the age at which a man should marry was twenty five. A healthy and well endowed offspring should be one of the main objects in view in entering the marriage state, and this required a mentally gifted wife. She must be of different temperament from his own and an economical housekeeper.

So when he found the age of twenty five approaching, he began to look about. There was no one in Wallace who satisfied the requirements. He therefore set out afoot to discover his ideal.

In those days and regions the professional tramp and mendicant were unknown, and every farmhouse dispensed its hospitality with an Arcadian simplicity little known in our times. Wherever he stopped overnight he made a critical investigation of the housekeeping, perhaps rising before the family for this purpose. He searched in vain until his road carried him out of the province.

One young woman spoiled any possible chance she might have had by a lack of economy in the making of bread. She was asked what she did with an unnecessarily large remnant of dough which she left sticking to the sides of the pan. She replied that she fed it to the horses. Her case received no further consideration.

The search had extended nearly a hundred miles when early one evening he reached what was then the small village of Moncton. He was attracted by the strains of music from a church, went into it, and found a religious meeting in progress. His eye was at once arrested by the face and head of a young woman playing on a melodeon, who was leading the singing. He sat in such a position that he could carefully scan her face and movements. As he continued this study the conviction grew upon him that here was the object of his search. That such should have occurred before there was any opportunity to inspect the dough pan may lead the reader to conclusions of his own.

He inquired her name: Emily Prince. He cultivated her acquaintance, paid his addresses, and was accepted.

He was fond of astronomy, and during the months of his engagement one of his favorite occupations was to take her out of an evening and show her the constellations. It is even said that among the daydreams in which they indulged one was that their firstborn might be an astronomer. Probably this was only a passing fancy, as I heard nothing of it during my childhood.

The marriage was in all respects a happy one, so far as congeniality of nature and mutual regard could go. Although the wife died at the early age of thirty seven the husband never ceased to cherish her memory and so far as I am aware never again thought of marrying.
 

When Your Loved One Roots For the Other Team

by guest contributor Jason Gordon

Many of us can probably relate to this: You meet a great person and start dating. You have a lot in common, including your love of sports. But then it happens. You find out that this great person has a flaw. Not only do they root for a different team than you do, they actually root for your team's biggest rival. While it may seem like a small thing to deal with, especially if the person crosses off many big items on your relationship "must have" list, it actually can, and often does, cause an issue in the relationship.

Here is a classic example. One person roots for teams from the Washington, D.C. area, while the other cheers on Boston area teams. On the surface, other than hearing how great the Patriots are and how terrible the Redskins are, this isn't a huge issue because there don't appear to be any direct rivalries between the two cities. It's honestly hard for the Redskins fan to say anything that can get under the skin of the Patriots fan. The Redskins always seem to have disappointing seasons, there is a storm of controversy with their team name, and they missed out on the playoffs this season. While the Patriots have MVP candidate Tom Brady and Bill Belichick, and are a Super Bowl favorite year in and year out.

Then, however, the NHL playoffs start and the Capitals are playing the defending Stanley Cup Champion Bruins in the first round and now it's tense. The Boston fan reminds you of Capitals playoff collapses from years past, while their team hoisted the Cup a year ago. The series goes to seven tight games, and all the while the Bruins fan is reminding you that the epic collapse is coming. But then a funny thing happens. The Capitals win the series and all the pent up frustration and "I told you so" comes out in one moment, and you suddenly realize that cheering for different teams is something you need to address.

To understand how and why you get to this point, it is important to look deeper into the psychology of being a sports fan to get a clearer picture of why the outcome of the game becomes so important in your life. You'll find that it isn't just about rooting for a team; a true fan actually begins to identify with the team, often referring to wins and losses as "we" won or "we" lost. There are also hormones released when your team wins or loses that impact the way you feel and act as a result.

The short of it is that being a sports fan is serious business and it does become a part of who you are and how you identify yourself. That being the case, if you are in a relationship with someone who roots for a rival team, there are many things you can do to ease the tension and actually make it a fun experience. One couple, who happen to be on opposite sides of the oldest rivalry in the NFL, the Green Bay Packers vs. the Chicago Bears, has found ways to make it fun by finding cute ways to bring their young children into the mix. They also understand that you can trash talk during the game, but show respect after, and, finally, you don't talk about it once the game is done.

Another couple, one a Browns fan (yikes) and the other a Ravens supporter, has established ground rules for themselves that can clearly work well for most couples in a similar situation. In the end, there are two things to remember. One, just as these couples did, remember that it is just a game and find ways to have fun with it. Life goes on, win or lose. Two, no matter what, life always trumps sports and even rivals can come together for a good cause.

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Jason hails from New York City where he is a marketing associate by day and blogger by night. He is a sports and pop culture fanatic and often tries to marry the two in his writing.
 

The Marriage Minute

The Gottman Institute has introduced a newsletter called "The Marriage Minute". This is a very positive resource for any marriage or close relationship.

Delivered via email twice a week, each newsletter contains a short article with useful information on a relevant subject. Included are links to actions you can take or exercises to try, as well as additional web pages or videos.

For example, yesterday's newsletter was entitled "Conflict is Inevitable". People are different, so some kind of conflict is bound to happen in any relationship. The good news is that conflict doesn't need to damage a relationship. Handling it well can actually bring people closer together. Included was a checklist to help couples recover from a fight, as well as links to articles with more information.

To subscribe to the Marriage Minute, just go to www.gottman.com/the-marriage-minute/ and enter your email address.
 

Stuck In An Awful Marriage

The comments and questions found on many marriage blogs are filled with tales of misery.

It is heartbreaking to read about people who suffer every day in terrible marriages with spouses who behave badly. The problem may be ongoing infidelity, lying and secrecy, financial dishonesty, sexual starvation, extreme laziness, criminal acts, anger issues, verbal abuse, bullying, general meanness and neglect, or complete indifference. Usually it is a combination of several problems. The unhappy spouse is left feeling lonely, unloved, desperate, and hopeless.

Often these people say that their spouse refuses to go to counseling, or that they have tried counseling but it didn't help because their spouse would not accept any of the counselor's suggestions. The problem spouse may be perfectly content with things as they are, or may be somewhat unhappy but unwilling to take any responsibility. Nothing changes, except, perhaps, to get worse.

When I read these stories, I feel very sad for the people involved. The daily suffering of the unhappy spouse is exacerbated by a sense of powerlessness. Both people are missing what should be the best part of their lives, the joy of a loving connection with a trusted partner.

It is all too common for people to live this way for ten, twenty, or more years. Surprisingly, they often say that the marriage was like this from the start. The bad behavior started in the first few months or weeks of marriage, sometimes on the honeymoon. Worse yet, sometimes the bad behavior began before the wedding, and yet they married this person anyway. Now, they feel trapped. Divorce seems impossible because of their financial limitations (especially when there are minor children), or because powerful religious and social pressures make them feel obligated to stay, or because they are afraid that leaving will lead to violence.

I wonder how this happened. Why did these people get married in the first place?

The most common explanation is, "I thought he would change once we were married."

No, no, no! Most people are on their best behavior during the dating and engagement period. Someone who isn't yet married and is already behaving badly, who doesn't make the effort to even try to pretend to be better, is not likely to improve.

If you are contemplating marriage with a difficult, unpleasant person who treats you badly, ask yourself, "Is this what I want the rest of my life to look like?" If the answer is no, it is time to end the relationship and move forward.

If you are in a miserable marriage with a partner who shows you nothing but contempt, refuses to change, blames you for everything, and does not respond to your best efforts, it may be time to ask yourself that same question.
 

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Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici and FreeDigitalPhotos.net